


Lately, I've Been Losing Sleep...

by ohmywhy



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2154933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmywhy/pseuds/ohmywhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Prompt:</b> Darren going to bed empty every night, and he’ll dream of Chris being next to him, and be happy for a solid 30 seconds. Then he wakes up and he’s alone. And it goes on and on and on until one time Chris has enough and he crawls into bed with him and Darren thinks he’s dreaming but he’s not please help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lately, I've Been Losing Sleep...

What he first misses is Chris by his side at night. Their tangled limbs, their naked bodies pressed close, their heart beats rhythmically syncing, reacting to their proximity, revealing their deepest feelings for one another. He misses the warmth, how Chris’s body was seemingly sculpted to fit Darren in his arms, how somehow, Chris was also made to fit in his.

With Chris gone, now occupying another man’s bedside every night, Darren sleeps fitfully. The smell of Chris that once pervaded his room, strong and heady and unique to Christopher, left shortly after he did, and in its wake, Darren finds no comfort. Instead, he craves its return, nearly calls Chris to come back, to bring his scent back with him, to hold him, to please love him again.

But every time his hand reaches for the phone, he remembers Chris is happy, albeit with someone else. And if Chris’s happiness relies only on Darren’s countless restless nights, then so be it. He would do it. He had to do it for the man he loved. No, _loves_.

Still, Darren can’t help but feel the sorrow of coming home to an empty bed every night. If he sheds tears, he pretends it’s the loneliness. But truly, he—his body, his heart, his _soul_ —aches for Chris and only Chris.

So, naturally, he dreams. They’re not much, but they’re enough to satisfy his pained heart. In them, he and Chris do nothing but sleep, except Chris’s body is draped over his, holding him close, keeping him safe and warm. His lips hover near Darren’s ear, whispering sweet nothings, reminding him of how special their relationship is to him. Occasionally, they kiss, Chris moving and pressing his lips further down Darren’s body to worship, to _claim_. But his dreams are never sexual. Beyond those kisses, in his dreams, Chris only huddles close to Darren and rests, wraps his arms around him so that Darren can peacefully close his eyes and rest assured that his love is beside him.

Darren swears they’re real. Only for less than a minute, but he swears. In the morning, when his eyes only slit open and he’s groggy and half-asleep, he reaches out to touch Chris, place a hand on his cheek and a kiss on his forehead, and maybe wake him with a loving, “Good morning,” followed by a sweet kiss on the lips. But he always comes up empty, his hand touching nothing but the sheets and the pillows that lay unused all night.

Without fail, every morning, his heart drops. Someday, perhaps he’ll quit harboring the hope that Chris will actually be beside him, but every day proves not to be that day. So, he always wakes to face his despair, his forced goodbyes, and his misery.

He loved his house, his sanctuary, back when he opened his door to face a smiling Chris, ready to welcome him with open arms and eager lips and even more eager hands. They spent long nights working whimpers and moans out of each other, touching sensitive spots to induce further pleasure, thrusting deeply into each other to become one. But looking back, that isn’t what Darren misses the most. Not to say he doesn’t miss it. What his heart truly calls out for though is Chris himself. Just Chris. His presence, his sense of humor, the way his bright personality lights any room, lit up Darren’s life. His wittiness. How he lived and consequently helped push Darren to live in pursuit of his dreams.

He doesn’t miss the nights he and Chris fought about their secret, the nights Chris urged Darren to be true to himself, the times he warned Darren that if not, he would leave. Darren would be lying, however, if he said he didn’t prefer those nights over these. Because at the very least, Chris was there.

Like every other night, that Wednesday, Darren returns to his empty home, makes himself a quick meal, and calls it a night early. It’s not as if he ever falls asleep promptly, but he hopes he’ll fall into his dreams sooner.

As it turns out, however, that particular night, he doesn’t need to.

——

Contrary to Darren, Chris doesn’t sleep alone. But similarly, he doesn’t sleep well.

Beside him, every night, like clockwork, lies the same, faithful, honest man, the very one Chris chose over Darren merely because he promised to be truthful about their relationship. It felt right at the time. After all, friends, family, and even fans pushed Chris to finally be in a relationship, although never knowing he had already been in one. So, Chris made what he still considers the smarter choice—a man who promises stability, honesty, and loyalty.

Of course, the smarter choice is never his heart’s choice.

So, night after night, Chris lies in bed, accompanied, but unhappy. He thinks about how different his situation is, when only weeks ago, he happily cuddled close into Darren’s arms, engulfed with love, and now he hesitantly places his head on someone else’s chest, wishing he at least smelled like Darren. Maybe then, he could pretend. With Darren, he felt he never needed anywhere else; that was it. It was home. Now, he only wishes he could be taken back to that place. He wonders if that place—home—even exists outside of Darren’s heart.

It’s not as if he can’t sleep alone. They don’t live together yet. But Chris has grown used to nightly company, and even though he’s nowhere near who Chris dreams of, he’s someone, and Chris could use someone, anyone, to fill the void.

He was the one to walk away, Chris knows—how could he possibly forget?—, but he swears Darren is much better without him, free to live the life he so chooses, without someone pulling him down, pleading him to “Be honest!” Hence, he forces himself to stay, stand for his ‘smarter’ choice.

Until one Wednesday night, he can’t take it anymore. His whole body yearns for Darren—his comforting voice, his melodic chuckle, his beautiful smile, his strong arms, his golden hazel eyes.

At half past midnight, Darren having been on his mind for hours, Chris leaves his bed. It’s dark, and he’s crazy, and he knows it. He hesitates several times, stops when he’s pulling on his pants, throwing on his shoes, even when he’s writing an apology note to leave on the bedside table. But inside, he feels a pull, something—or rather, someone—yelling at him, telling him to hurry, reminding him that no matter how late it is, this is important.

Which is why Chris finds himself outside Darren’s door, reaching for the spare key under the rug, unlocking the front door, and slipping inside. For a split second, he feels courageous, brave, like he’s made the best decision to date, like this one step is only the beginning in a lifelong path to follow his heart. But as he’s nearly at Darren’s bedroom, he stops once again, panicked.

…What if Darren doesn’t want to see him? What if Darren doesn’t want him here? What if he isn’t alone?

“This was stupid,” he mutters under his breath, pacing back and forth in Darren’s living room. “This was so fucking stupid. I am so stupid.”

But then his mind flashes back to his sleepless nights, and he thinks _fuck it_ before he pushes Darren’s bedroom door open and sneaks in. Luckily, Darren’s alone, and after weeks without him, their painful goodbye being their last time together, Chris’s eyes water at the sight of him on his bed, somehow so peaceful without him, so handsome and beautiful and gorgeous and even more perfect than Chris remembers. Suddenly, even with Darren right in front of him, Chris misses him more.

He clutches his chest tightly as he cries, and in an attempt to soothe his stinging heart, he slips into Darren’s bed unnoticed, pulling the covers over him, reasserting his place at home.

It doesn’t surprise him when he falls asleep within seconds.

In the morning, as per usual, Darren outstretches his arm to reach for his dream, and when his hand actually stumbles upon someone else, touching creamy, pale skin, he briefly believes it, before he hastily sits up and thinks _there shouldn’t be anyone there_. He uncovers the ‘crook’, pulling back the sheets, and when he finds his one and only dream lying next to him, he decides he’s still asleep, clearly still dreaming.

Once again, he lays down, and with renewed purpose, Darren snuggles close to Chris, throwing his arm around his neck, chastely planting his lips on his neck. It’s in that moment that Chris opens his eyes, and in response to being graced by those beautiful blue orbs, which Darren swears he’s never seen in his dreams before, he grins widely, buries his face in Chris’s neck, and inhales deeply.

“Darren…” Chris says, and it’s music to Darren’s ears. “I missed you.”

“I miss you too, baby,” Darren whispers, his lips grazing Chris’s neck.

“You don’t have to anymore. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I can do this. I can stop thinking about us deliberately hiding and just keep this between you and me. I promise I’ll stop asking you to tell everyone. I… need you.”

Darren pulls away slowly, although he places his hand on the back of Chris’s neck. “Does it matter?” he responds, and Chris’s eyebrows furrow. “It’s not like you’ll be there when I wake up.”

“ _What_?”

“You can make all the promises you want now, but you still won’t be there when I’m awake. You never are,” Darren whispers, but as he forces himself to completely pull away, finally wake up, he feels Chris’s very firm, very _real_ hands gripping his back, pushing him back into his warmth, holding their bodies impossibly close.

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m right here. This isn’t a dream, Dare. This is me telling you that I missed you, and I can’t sleep without you, and I need you.”

Without warning, Darren jumps off the bed, and in a desperate attempt to assure it’s actually Christopher—Christopher Paul Colfer, _his_ Christopher Paul Colfer—in his room, he pinches himself, forces his eyes wide open, and even slaps his face softly. Chris laughs, and it’s only after his heart bolts awake, alive and beating rapidly in response to the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard, that Darren believes he’s awake. And Chris is actually in his room.

In his surprise that ‘wow, this is actually fucking real’, he speaks softly, “Chris…”

“Darren,” Chris responds somewhat urgently, but before he continues, Darren stops him.

“Wait… Chris, _what_ are you doing here? You can’t just come waltzing back in here whenever you want to, because you can’t sleep. You left, and I… I’m coping, okay? So, if you’re not here for good, please j-just…just leave again.”

There’s a brief second Darren swears Chris will follow his same path, right out the front door. He thinks, maybe after he’s gone, he’ll go back to sleep and actually write this off as a dream. Because even after assuring that he’s fully awake, this all feels too surreal. Instead, Chris stands, crosses the room in two seconds, and grabs Darren’s hands to hold.

Darren lets him. Albeit, cautiously. He’s not ready for Chris to return, and then, unhappy with their situation again, leave him and his twice broken heart behind.

“You’re right. I am here because I can’t sleep without you—”

“I can’t sleep without you, either,” Darren confesses, and Chris nods, more than understanding, and continues.

“I love you. You know that. You know I never walked out of here because I didn’t love you. You know my problem was that you weren’t honest about us. And yes, I don’t want to live that way, but I can’t deny that no matter what I do, I am never going to stop loving you. So, in time, we can fix that issue, but for now, right now,” Chris places their intertwined hands over his heart, “I just want us. I won’t go anywhere.”

“I’m going to pinch myself again to make sure this isn’t a dream.”

When instead Chris pinches his hand in response, Darren yelps, and then they both laugh, realizing they missed this, the simplicity of their chemistry and their relationship amidst their complicated world. As Chris tugs on Darren’s arms, forcing him closer, Darren smiles and leans forward, touching their foreheads together.

“But what about telling everyone?”

“To hell with everyone else. I like my privacy anyway,” Chris closes his eyes, and Darren cups his cheek with his free hand, silently urging him to open them.

“Eventually, I promise you, everyone will know.”

“Eventually, they’ll know.”

A pause, and then, “That was very Kurt and Blaine,” Darren points out, and Chris playfully rolls his eyes. Soon after, like a well-kept secret fighting to burst its way out of his mouth, Darren has to admit, “I love you too. You know that.”

“I know.”

They’re not perfect, far from it. It takes a lot more discussions, far more restless nights (this time, together), and a few more arguments and compromises to restore them. But they do work at it. And in the end, Darren does tell the whole world. He fires his old team and purchases a gorgeous white gold ring for Chris. He proudly repeats it over and over again—at his wedding, during every anniversary, when they have kids.

And thankfully, neither ever sleeps alone again.


End file.
